As I sit with a blank surface before me, my mind ponders on the topic to cover this morning. Should I discuss the future Podcasts that I plan to conduct, or perhaps the importance of making good Christian movies, or maybe I should talk about my favorite video/board games? The mind isn’t a functional system so early in the morning.
Today is my anniversary. 4 years.
4 years ago, I said I do to my lovely wife. It was a quite profound moment, because it actually happened. I had always planned to be a young married man but it was hard visualize. Reason being, I am a dreamer. The dreams I have had include: Become a pro wrestler, be a world traveler, become a novelist, play lead guitar or bass for a rock band, draw for either marvel or DC, and host a major youth ministry event….oh, and be married young.
Now, you can possibly understand why actually finding someone who loves me, or at least tolerates me, was such a profound thing. And it occurred, really apparent too, that this dream became a reality because I pursued it. Girls came and went. None of them, until my lovely bride, stayed or endured me.
What’s to endure with me?
Well, I am highly opinionated. Like bad. This is something I have come to the realization of and thus, have working vigorously on. My eyes have only seen black and white. Grey areas have been absent from my eyes, and now I am training them to see them. In my mind, things are either good or bad; very little middle ground.
For example, one of the first conversations with my bride while we were dating concerned the full house they had. It was itty bitty trailer for 7 people to be living in, and my bride graciously gave her room to her sister and brother in law and their 2 kids. She tried to explain the frustration sleeping on a sofa bed and how it hurt her back and such however all I heard was that she was helping someone in need and had complaints about it.
Are your complaining about helping someone?
This ran through my head. This is because I listen to her words and not her heart/what she meant. I then, made the worst bitter, insensitive statement a boyfriend could make.
“Why are you being selfish?”
Ladies, put down your pitchforks and torches for I was young and inexperienced in life. I only words and didn’t feel what was behind those words. Now after 4 years of marriage, I now look back and understand that conversation, and that my bride tried to bring out some frustrations out to someone she trusted and I broke her down.
This conversation still comes up, of course now it is more for hilarity. Looking back, I have said/did some ridiculous things (that is for another time though). And the one thing I have learned more than anything else, at least in importance, is this:
This is why relationships fail; partners, whether lover or friends, do not communicate their wants and needs to each other. The biggest example in my marriage involves children. Prior to our wedding, my wife and I discussed a lot of things but children never entered that conversation. So the second week or so of our marriage it was discovered that my wife wanted children right away, while I wanted to wait. Let me tell you that this caused tensions and confusion for each of us. Because of our lack of communication, we each experienced frustration, anger, and some hurt in all of it.
Marriage is proving that it is tougher than it is assumed thanks to media, who displays marriage as butterflies and rainbows. There are arguments, disagreements, fights, emotional harm, and at times defeat. Though present, they aren’t victorious. We learn through scripture that Jesus needs to be the foundation for marriage and when not, it crumbles. These things will appear but Jesus will bring joy in the midst of it. There are times when I become so frustrated with my wife when we are in disagreement that I want to go far away, but yet when she needs and calls for me…I about outrun my own feet to reach her. That isn’t because of legal obligation but out of love.
I hold on the verse which says, “… he who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Truer words couldn’t ever be said or written. My wife brings out the best in me even when I bring out the worst in her.
Happy Anniversary my love
And to everyone else…stay blessed my friends.