Life can get real chaotic. I am coming to that revelation at this point in my life, in my youth years I never understood why adults always seemed so stressed out. Now I see. Being 25 I am learning the vast importance of responding to your obligations. In the past I have fallen victim to a multitude of things, and in my mind defeating nearly all of them. There is one foe who does keep returning. Anxiety.
In the past I have suffered with anxiety attacks. I haven’t had to deal with them too much until recently. And by recently, I mean this past week. Life is hard, and some are able to respond better than others. I like to think that I respond well, but that would be foolish to assume.
It has been a rough week. I assist those who are developmentally disabled. Great job, but my wife and I’s position holds a lot of weight. A LOT! We are responsible for everything you can think of:shopping for their home, teaching them new skills, daily living activities, hygiene, house cleaning, scheduling appointments, attending medical appointments, attending meetings, clinical reviews, QLP meetings, medication administration, data collection, data input, participating with community outings, preparing meals, meeting with guardians, and the list continues. We also have staff underneath us whom we have to manage, and if something is not right it all comes down on the shoulders of Courtney and Damian.
This goes on for 55 hours. It is a drain, my house is a mess because of pure exhaustion. And to top it all off, I am in school. Just add about another 20-30 hours in completing assignments, not to mention the two midterms I had to take. There were nights my wife went to sleep alone and woke up alone.
I say all that to explain why I suffered a panic attack this week. Actually, I suffered several. This is the reason why I didn’t get to post anything up until now, which I apologize for. I have several posts planned for the future, though. In one of my attacks I threw a temper tantrum. Seriously, like a little kid in wal-mart who wasn’t allowed to purchase the new Power Ranger action figure. I threw my stuff on the ground and just marched around (I’m sure I had my pouty lip out). I even almost cursed out my wife for no reason of her fault. She was innocent, I clearly wasn’t.
In my times of rage I ignore what I need to do. Run to Jesus. My wife made this apparent to me by asking me, “when was the last time you read your bible.” As any man, I hate being called out. She did have a good point. I try to rely on myself than the help of others, which is a major flaw. If I would’ve taken a breathe and engage in prayer I may have remembered an important scripture. 1 Peter 3:15 says to cast all of our anxiety upon Him, because he cares for us.
It is actually one of my favorite verses and I completely forgot when trying to rely solely on myself. My week was longer and more difficult than it needed to be because I ignored the help from above. Scripture reading should be a second thought for a christian, it should be the first. It provides peace, comfort and solace. The world’s greatest massage can’t replace the peace of mind that Jesus gives through his words. I encourage all to not make the mistake I made. When trouble is in on the horizon, trouble that is far too much to handle, go to Jesus. Why? Because he cares for you.
Stay blessed my friends.