Never did I think that porn would effect me so much. The idea never ran across my mind. Sure, I knew the addiction factor of it would cause some issues in my life, however I thought the impulse on self gratification would be the extent of it. Oh, the horror it has continued on in way I never thought so. Here I am being utterly transparent with you. This is a subject that is really hard for me discuss or talk about, mainly because it brings out many of my flaws and failures; the two very things that men hate to discuss. We can go on an on about what success we have had in life from building a table to being noticed at work to throwing an excellent party for a loved one and even conquering world 8-4 (that is for you nintendoers out there). Flaw and failure are like conversational kryptonite for men. It is the pride issue we as men, and I am sure women suffer from too, have.
So let me inform you on some flaws that I either currently have or working through because of that porn. Just the word haunts me. I hate it, I hate it and I hate it. How has porn effected me? Remember I am being completely transparent with you all so don’t judge me.
After my wife and I were married, we began sexing it up. You know, as most newly weds do. I remember on our honey moon we did it like 3 times in 1 day. This dude was happy….sorta. I enjoyed the act of what taking place on both all planes of life: Physical, emotional and spiritual. The issue did arise, which caused multiple issues with my marriage, that I wasn’t able to ejaculate. Like I said I enjoyed the act taking place, heck I loved it, but I could “seal the deal.” My wife began to get upset because she felt like she wasn’t doing things right. After research we learned that because of my porn and masturbating filled life, that my “member” wasn’t exactly responding to my wife’s “chambers.” Basically, I used my hand too much and confused my body. It took several months, but we received healing in that area.
Porn provides an illusion of what sex is. It provides different scenarios, situations and positions. As a boy growing up, what I learned from porn was an perverse idea of sex’s standards. In easier term, the stuff on porn was normal. It gives the idea that women like positions such as anal, doggstyle, and pile-driver. It also gives acts that are suggests to be normal such as blow jobs. It never showed a women to turn down a blowjob, however in reality not all women look forward to this. Heck or even be on the receiving end. Porn had created an expectation that was false. My wife for example just won’t do certain things. It is based on a lack of intimacy which I find to be true.
3. It Never Leaves
Porn is the most abundant temptation out there, and has a clever strategy. The strategy being, there is more and better. What ever situation you desire, the porn industry has a match for it. It gives you what you want as a cost, it stick with you. There is always a reminder in the back of your mind, Satan uses this in two ways, 1) he shows what you did in order to break you down emotional and spirtually and 2) to create temptation saying “you know you want it and you know where it is.” Everyday I am haunted by what I have seen and enjoyed. It doesn’t leave. I still remember my earliest memories from a pre-preteen.
Porn ruins the beauty of sex and its meaning and intimacy. We traded God’s gift to a marriage for common physical reaction. And it just isn’t it. Porn provides too many issues and problem for the body, mind and spirit. But the good news in all of this is there is hope. Thank you Jesus for providing hope. Jesus wants us ask for help and He is willing to help. No one is past the point of no return. 1 Peter 3:15 states that we should cast our troubled upon Jesus because he cares for us. Trust me, if Jesus can help me then there is help for you.And you. And, oh yes, you too.
Stay blessed, my friends.